I am now up to 354lbs. It’s hard not to think anything else except that I am a complete failure- a complete fat disgusting failure. I don’t want to feel bad for myself, it’s my own fault. I’ve fallen back on some bad habits and the consequences are obvious. I know how to fix this, I know the steps to take, but I keep failing. Why? Well, here are the reasons:
- I am depressed.
I’ve been depressed for years, ranging from mild to severe. When it gets worse, I gain weight. And let me tell you, the last 3 months have been pure hell. I won’t get in to it all, but I will just say this has been one of the hardest times of my life, and I’ve had some pretty bad times. I need to figure out how to fight through this and use working out and eating right as a way to combat the things I can’t control.
- I am not waking up early enough.
Because I have very little free time, I tend to stay up late and enjoy the time to myself. Then I am too tired to wake up early enough to get to the gym. I have to go to sleep earlier and get up early enough to work out.
- I am not making my meals at home.
I am still eating out way way way too much and packing a lunch for work. This is terrible and I have to fix it.
- I am eating much worse on the weekends.
I tend to say ‘screw it’ and eat and drink whatever I want on the weekends. I don’t have a way to justify it, it’s just what happens. I have to treat the weekend the same as the weekdays and keep a consistent schedule.
I know the reasons I am failing, I know how to fix it, I just have to find the motivation. That is the hardest part. Right now, it’s all mental. And mentally, I am not doing well. We will see what happens.