I’ve hit a new low (well, high actually)

I am now up to 354lbs. It’s hard not to think anything else except that I am a complete failure- a complete fat disgusting failure. I don’t want to feel bad for myself, it’s my own fault. I’ve fallen back on some bad habits and the consequences are obvious. I know how to fix this, I know the steps to take, but I keep failing. Why? Well, here are the reasons: 

  1. I am depressed. 
    I’ve been depressed for years, ranging from mild to severe. When it gets worse, I gain weight. And let me tell you, the last 3 months have been pure hell. I won’t get in to it all, but I will just say this has been one of the hardest times of my life, and I’ve had some pretty bad times. I need to figure out how to fight through this and use working out and eating right as a way to combat the things I can’t control. 
  2. I am not waking up early enough. 
    Because I have very little free time, I tend to stay up late and enjoy the time to myself. Then I am too tired to wake up early enough to get to the gym. I have to go to sleep earlier and get up early enough to work out. 
  3. I am not making my meals at home. 
    I am still eating out way way way too much and packing a lunch for work. This is terrible and I have to fix it. 
  4. I am eating much worse on the weekends. 
    I tend to say ‘screw it’ and eat and drink whatever I want on the weekends. I don’t have a way to justify it, it’s just what happens. I have to treat the weekend the same as the weekdays and keep a consistent schedule. 

I know the reasons I am failing, I know how to fix it, I just have to find the motivation. That is the hardest part. Right now, it’s all mental. And mentally, I am not doing well. We will see what happens. 

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